


When Somebody Loved Me

by plaidpains



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, F/M, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Protective Eddie Diaz, Protective Team, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Slow Burn, guilty team, team as a family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plaidpains/pseuds/plaidpains
Summary: Following the lawsuit, Buck is left outcasted by the people once considered family. None of his team members willing to give him a second glance. Someone he once considered his best friend now stared at him like he was the worst person in the world, and he was. To think of it he deserved every punch and slap thrown his way, his team can't save him. They shouldn't have to save him.orWhen Buck finds himself in an abusive relationship, and he doesn't know who to turn to.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 250
Kudos: 779





	1. Chapter 1

Buck finished up mopping the locker room floor making the tile floor almost reflective. His shift was finally over and he was exhausted for all the wrong reasons. He’s nearing the end of his second week back following the lawsuit and he has never felt more alienated. 

Bobby refuses to talk to him unless he was barking chores at him, and everyone followed suit. He undoubtedly deserved it, he knew that. He learned last week that he was wasting his breathe apologizing, but that didn’t stop him. He continued apologizing with no avail, deciding giving everyone time was best. But he knew he was fighting a losing battle, he knew they would never welcome him back. He knew he was unwanted, unwelcome and maybe even hated. Yet he had to accept it. 

He pretended to ignore the nasty glare Eddie threw his way as he made his way towards Bobby. He stopped at the kitchen clearing his throat to catch Bobby’s attention. 

Bobby looked up from the pot infront of him, uninterested. “I uh finished all the chores and I’m gonna head out” Buck pointed his thumb behind himself awkwardly. 

“Ok” was all Bobby said and he turned back around. “Dinners ready! Hen, Chimney would you two set the table please?” He continued completely ignoring Buck. 

Buck nodded and made his was to the locker room, ignore the sting in his heart. He hasn’t had a meal with the team since he came back. Partially because he didn’t want to make everyone uncomfortable and also because they didn’t want him there. To think of it he hasn’t had a meal at the station since he came back, often going for hours on end without a meal. Not that he cared, he hasn’t had much of an appetite for a while now.. 

He changed into his civilian close quickly, hoping to not come across any more hateful looks. Except Buck was never lucky, he should know this by now. He bumped into Eddie on his way out and instantly rushed a “Sorry” as he looked his best friend in the eyes. The usual adoration was now hooded over with hatred and anger. He looked like he could punch Buck right across the face and then laugh about it. 

He ignored Bucks apology as he made it a point to shove his shoulder, pushing Buck backwards slightly. Buck pretended it didn’t hurt. It did hurt though. All of it did. The stares, the comments, and the whispers, he hates it. But boy did he deserve it. 

He rushed to his car desperately wanting to forget the bad day he had for the millionth time this week. “Hey Buck!” He turned around a frown placed on his lips. No one has called his name here in days, at least in a welcoming matter. 

“See you and Taylor tonight?” Bucks shoulders slumped. He had completed forgotten that he agreed to go in a double date with Maddie and Chimney. He would much rather go home and sleep till next year. 

“Oh yeah! Of course!” He faked a smile before waving and walking into his car. He laid his head on his steering wheel, absolutely exhausted. The thought of spending an evening with Taylor bringing him a small amount of joy. Taylor is the only good thing going on in his life right now. After everything she reached out to Buck and they had just clicked. She was so good to him for no reason, Buck really didn’t deserve her. 

He pulled up to the bar already tired from the night that hasn’t even began. He looked over his phone, partly wanting a text from Eddie to decorate his screen. Instead he was greeted with 10 texts and 4 missed calls from Taylor. 

Running a hand over his face and sighing, he decided to call her back. “Oh god Evan you worried me” he was instantly greeted with Taylor’s worried vocals. 

“Hey babe sorry I was driving.” Buck responded carelessly. 

“Don’t do that ever again.” Buck frowned at the sudden change of tone in his girlfriend’s voice. “I need to know where you are at all times, do you understand?” More control held in her voice than actual concern. Buck shrugged it off, sometimes Maddie worried about him like that. Maybe it’s just a woman’s intuition, who knows. 

“Y-yeah yeah totally I’m sorry” buck furrowed his eyebrows together, feeling guilty for scaring her. “I uh just pulled up at the bar, if you’re here already” he tried changing the subject as he rubbed the back of neck. 

“Oh yay I’m inside!” All previous signs of ‘concern’ gone from her voice. “See you inside”

The night was going relatively better than Buck expected. Taylor and Maddie instantly hit it off and Chimney was being surprisingly kind. The words still going in one ear and out the other, though as Buck just couldn’t seem to find any interest in the conversation. 

His thoughts constantly drifting to Eddie and how he felt about Buck. Although Eddie definitely hates Buck with every ounce of his body, Buck couldn’t help but miss his best friend. He would so much rather be spending his Friday night with Christopher and Eddie, playing video games. Instead he was stuck here acting like he was interested in Taylor’s latest news story. 

“I need to run to the lady’s room real quick, Taylor?” Maddie smiled at the girl with the unspoken ‘girl code’. Taylor was up and ready instantly as they both giggled with one another. 

Buck and Chimney both played awkwardly with their beverages, neither of them knowing how to start the conversation. Chimney was now finally catching sight of his friend’s appearance. Just now noticing the usual gleam in his eyes are gone now and replaced dull and almost lifeless shadow. His usually combed hair was disheveled, and his shirt hung loosely around his frame slightly over sized. 

“Buck when was the last time you ate?” Genuine concern held in his eyes. 

“Uh what?” Bucks brows furrowed together in confusion, he was caught off guard by the caring tone In Chimney’s voice. Why would Chimney care about when he last ate? “Psh I eat all the time, I’m Buck it’s part of my whole persona” he faked a smile. Buck hadn’t really noticed how thin he got, it just happened and he didn’t care enough to stop it. 

“When was the last time you had a real meal?” Chimney pushed again, not accepting Bucks bullshit response. 

“Chimney I don’t know what you’re talking about” Buck lies sipping his coke. Realistically speaking he, couldn’t remember the last time he had a real meal. 

“Buck you look like a mess” Chimney’s forehead wrinkled, with fear and worry. “Take these now.” he demanded pushing the basket of fries towards Buck. 

“Chimney I’m fine. Just a little tired s’all” Buck played with the fries rather than actually consuming them. He ignored the pain in his stomach, both from nerves and hunger. 

“Buck you know you can still talk to me about anything right?” Chimney hesitantly placed a hand on his friends arm, trying to ignore the lack of muscle that was usually there. 

Buck sat silent for a minute, not knowing how to answer exactly. He knew Chimney cared about him, or maybe he didn’t. After the lawsuit he wouldn’t blame him for just putting up with Buck simply because he was dating his sister. So maybe he didn’t know if he could talk to Chimney about what is going on. Chimney doesn’t deserve to be bothered by Buck’s minor inconveniences anyhow. 

He doesn’t deserve Chimney’s olive branch, he doesn’t need to bring Chimney down with him. He had royally screwed up and no matter how many times he has a apologized it could never make anything ok. He deserved every chore Bobby made him do, everything hateful glare Eddie gave him, he deserved it all. 

“Yeah and he had to go school with pink hair for a month!” Taylor and Maddie returned laughing about some embarrassing thing Buck had done as a preteen. They unknowingly saved Buck from responding to Chim’s complicated question. 

“I’m going to need photo evidence!” Taylor giggled hugging Buck’s side. He smiled at them both the conversation between him and Chimney dissolving just as quickly as it appeared. He let out a sigh of relief knowing that he wouldn’t have to respond to his friend. 

“Gosh Buck, Taylor’s too good for you! I want to date her!” Maddie announced 

“Hey!” Buck and Chimney exclaimed in unison. 

“Seriously just marry her at already Buck!” Maddie smiled, happy that her brother had finally found someone. She’s been worried about him lately, but it seems like Taylor is really good for him. 

Buck choked on his drink slightly, “Wow wow slow down there Maddie” everyone erupted b into laughs, except Taylor. 

The night went on reasonably well if Buck didn’t count the multiple worried looks Chimney threw his way. Taylor was spending the night at his apartment, and for the first time in a long time he wouldn’t feel so alone. 

He unlocked the apartment, Taylor following behind. She had been uncharacteristically quite on the drive home, Buck hadn’t really thought much about it, he really should have been paying more attention. 

“I can’t believe you did that” Buck turned around, confusion painting his features. 

“What?” 

“Don’t play stupid with me!” She spoke with a ice cold tone making a chill down Bucks spine. Taylor was livid and Buck had no idea why. Her eyes now were just as red as her hair. 

“Taylor I rea-“ Buck was caught completely off guard. He wasn’t expecting it and maybe that’s why it was more forceful than it should be. Taylor shoved him. His whole body jerking backwards, his forehead hitting the coffee table as he stumbles to the ground. For one of the first times in his life Buck was rendered speechless. His hand instantly going over to his forehead, there was blood on his finger tips. The pain was very present but somehow very dull at the same time. 

Bucks heart racked quickly against his chest, confusion consuming him. Taylor has just shoved him, hard enough that he hit his head. That couldn’t be normal, or was it normal? He looked up at Taylor, not making any movement to get up. 

“You humiliated me infront of your sister and her boyfriend! How dare you!” This time she took her hand up quickly, slapping him right across the face, cutting his cheek in the process. 

Buck grabbed his cheek his brows furrowed together in both shock and confusion. Blood seeped down both his forehead and cheek, a slight burn in both of them. He sat on the floor his mouth parted slightly, his brain struggling to comprehend what has just happened. Taylor just hit him, but it shouldn’t hurt him. It shouldn’t effect him. It’s normal right? A woman can’t hurt a man like that. The thought of defending himself never crossing his mind. He shouldn’t have to defend himself, he would never lay his hands on anyone else, let alone a woman. 

“I-I I’m I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to” he looked up at her, hoping she wouldn’t notice the tears in his eyes. She nodded before angrily walking up the stairs. 

Buck sat there dumbfounded with tear stained cheeks. Blood now dripping on the carpet, the fact that he was on blood thinners almost slipped his mind. He shakily walked towards the guest bathroom quickly grabbing the first aid kit. He looked in the mirror, disgusted, a part of him knowing he deserved exactly what Taylor did. The cuts weren’t too bad, just very, very bloody. 

He cleaned it best he could before bandaging it up. He looked at himself in the mirror again, the person looking back at him wasn’t himself. It was a shell of him, and he almost laughed at himself. He had just let his girlfriend hit him, man was he weak. Maybe this was the worlds way of giving him exactly what he deserves. He splashed his face with water in hopes to hide any signs of emotion. He walked upstairs slowly, in hopes of not worsening his situation with Taylor. 

“Babe?” she questioned, her voice unusually soft. 

“H-hey” Buck slide into bed next to her, his body automatically stiffening. She sat up turning towards him with tears in her eyes. 

“I’m so sorry Bucky” she used a nickname that made Bucks stomach turn. “I don’t know what came over me” she reached out hugging him, while Buck stayed limp in her hold. She suddenly started sobbing. “I am such a horrible person, I let the stress of work get the best of me” she cried into his shoulder, Bucks arms hugging her back slowly. 

“Hey-hey it’s okay” Buck suddenly felt guilty. He had disappointed yet another person he loved. This wasn’t Taylor’s fault, it was his fault. Maybe everyone else at the station wanted to take a swing at him too, and he most definitely deserved it. “Look at me b-babe” he struggles to say the word now, “I’m fine. I’m sorry- I did this. It’s my fault, ok?” He stopped hugging her as she looked at his bandaged face. 

She nodded hugging him again, and that’s how they fell asleep that night. Buck stiffly holding his girlfriend. Someone who finally loved him. She didn’t mean to hurt him, it was his fault after all. It was no fault but his own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t come for my grammar I have no one to proof read :( enjoy!

Buck tried to ignore the dull headache consuming him, he wasn’t sure if it was from hitting his head last night or lack of nutrients in his system. Either way he wasn’t going to do much about it. He bowed his head down as he made his way into the station, hoping no one would notice the ugly gash on his forehead or the small red cut on his cheek. 

Rushing to the locker room he attempted to avoid his teammates who were chatting throughout different parts of the house. He was thankful no one was in the locker room as he began to take his clothes off. His body protested at his quicken movement, begging him for some real rest. His sleep the previous night was restless sleep and stiff, the throbbing in his head didn’t help either. He was definitely not looking forward to today’s shift of continuous chores. 

A low whistle grabbed him out of his thoughts. “What happened to you?” Chimney piped up behind him. 

Buck jumped up slightly pulling his shirt to his chest. He refused to turn towards Chimney who’s brows were furrowed together. “What are you talking about?” Buck’s voice fell thick. 

He hadn’t thought of a perfectly calculated lie to tell his teammates, realistically speaking he hadn’t thought anyone would care to ask. “The bruises on your back, how’d you get them?” If Buck didn’t know any better he would’ve thought that was concern in Chimney’s voice. 

He tried looking at his own back, confused. He probably hit his back in the fall yesterday and the blood thinner definitely didn’t help with the bruising. “Wow” Chimney finally caught sight of Bucks face. “Buck what the hell happened to your face?” Buck tried to ignore the chill that crawled up his spine as he was brought back to the night before. 

Humiliation crept throughout his body, the thought of his team finding out his girlfriend hit him made him cringe. They would tease him about it continuously and although he would deserve it, he can’t afford to look weaker than he already was. He is a 6’2 muscular, or at least was muscular, man and his girlfriend shouldn’t be able to hurt him. 

First he screwed up with the lawsuit and now this, they would definitely never let him live it down if they were to find out. 

“Hello Earth to Buck” Chimney waved his hand infront of Buck’s face, his forehead creasing. Buck flinched slightly at the sudden hand movement infront of him. “You okay man?” Chimney pretended to not notice the flinch and faraway look in Buck’s dull eyes. 

“Oh yeah sorry” Buck rubbed the back of his neck “I uh fell down the stairs last night. You know me, always finding trouble” he lied while tightening is belt buckle a few holes tighter than he used to. 

“You sure?” Chimney asked again squeezing his shoulder. 

He had been the only one to talk to Buck since the whole lawsuit thing, sure it was only ever in private and small talk but Buck appreciates it. Hen would sometimes offer him the light of day as well. She would throw him a smile, bring him a plate of food that couldn’t stomach and it meant a lot more to him than she’ll ever know. 

Although both of them were far from their usually warm selves they were both better than Bobby. He was constantly barking chores at Buck and when he wasn’t he acted as though Buck wasn’t there. Buck had tried to apologize to Bobby, he tried so hard but every time he was turned away. So after two weeks with no success he learned to accept his new ‘relationship’ with Bobby, if you could even call it that. 

Still somehow Bobby shouting orders at him was better than Eddie’s cold shoulder. The only contact he had with Eddie was his glares, and under the breathe condescending comments. Eddie has gotten better that’s for sure, originally he would storm out of a room whenever Buck was there. So the glares were an improvement in Buck’s eyes. 

Chimney asking about Buck made him almost feel like he wasn’t alone anywmore. Instead he swallowed down that feeling, not wanting to give himself anymore false hope. 

“Never better” his smile not reaching his eyes. 

Chimney bit the inside of his cheek and just nodded, not fully convinced. 

Buck slipped his shoes on quickly before slipping out of the locker room. He made his way to the kitchen grabbing a water and looking for a Tylenol to stop the dull ache in his head. He popped the pill in a rush to avoid anymore confrontations from his teammates. Although ,once again, luck just wasn’t on his side today, or any day realistically speaking. 

The hand had caught him off guard, similar to yesterday. He hadn’t meant to but he flinched, and it didn’t go unnoticed. “Wow you ok there Buck?” Hen held the same look in her eyes as Chimney, concern. Bucks cheeks heated up quickly, embarrassed at his own reaction. 

His shoulders straightened out as he pretended that he hadn’t just flinched from Hen’s gesture. If Hen had noticed she didn’t make a point of it, instead she looked over Buck’s cuts. He was just as shocked from his body’s reaction as he was by Hen’s concern. 

“I-I’m fine, I’m fine you just uh scared me a bit there” he smiled though his heart pounded against his chest quickly. 

He sipped his water hoping it would somehow prevent her from asking about the marks painting his face. 

“What happened to your face?” she held herself back though her hands itched to get a closer look at the marks. The red of the two of them contrasted strongly against Buck’s sickly pale skin. 

“Slipped down the stairs” he mumbled, gulping his water rather nervously. The same chill running down his spine, the thought of the night before playing through his mind again. 

“Mhmm” she raised a brow at him. “Aren’t you still on blood thinners?” A part of him wanted to believe that Hen was asking these questions out of concern, but he stop the hope building in his chest. 

“Yeah” he rubbed the back of his neck, searching for a way to leave the conversation before she caught onto his lie. He almost laughed at himself. Just yesterday he was practically dying to talk to anyone in the team and now he would do anything to end the topic of discussion. Hewould welcome the cold shoulder with open arms if it meant never talking about the marks Taylor left on him. 

She looked like she was going to tell him something else but Bobby beat her to it. 

Buck was never so thankful to have Bobby call his name. Although it was stern and almost likely to bark orders at him it was still convenient nonetheless. 

Hen nodded at him before he rushed over to his captain. He bowed his head making his way towards Bobby.

“Yes sir?” Buck stood tall infront of the captain. His jaw tensed as he looked down, hopping Bobby wouldn’t mention the red decorations on his face. 

“Ok the toilets need cleaning, and the trucks need to be restocked.” Bobby looked down at the clipboard completely disregarding Bucks presence. “And of course the floors need to be mopped, and if you finish early you could clean up the lo-“ Bobby lost his voice as he finally looked up at Buck. 

The boy infront of him looked like he had a fight with a pair of scissors and lost. Bobby tried to ignore the feeling of concern crawling up his chest. Buck was fine, the kid probably just tripped over. 

But the look in his eyes made Bobby believe that, that was untrue. 

“What happened to your face?” Bobby’s brows furrrowed together, opting to actually allow his anger to subside for this brief moment. 

Buck was almost caught off guard, he hadn’t expected Bobby to notice. Let alone care enough to ask. 

“Slipped on the stairs last night” Buck lied, his hand hovering over the gash on his forehead. 

Bobby could spot one of Buck’s lies a mile away. He decided not to push for more answers and just nodded. 

“Ok, get to work” Bobby dismissed him, but his eyes followed the young man as he walked away. A cloud of worry sat in Bobby’s stomach, Buck wasn’t the best liar. Bobby could read right through that kid since the day they met.

Buck let out a breathe he hadn’t noticed he was holding. For the first time he was actually glad Bobby was upset with him. 

The less questions Buck was asked the better. He could pretend that the previous night never even happened. After all it was a one time thing no reason for him to be on edge. 

Buck made his way to the restroom prepping his chores for the day. 

Buck had forgot the most essential thing, the toilet cleaner. He made his way back to the closet, but stopped once he heard that he was the topic of discussion. 

A grimace slid on Eddies as Buck walked past him. “What happened to him?” Eddie asked once Buck was out of range.

He knows eavesdropping is totally wrong and kind of gross but this is the first time he heard the team talking about him without tearing him down. 

Buck chewed on his lip as Eddie asked about him, hope fluttering in his chest. The team actually cared about his well being, at least that’s what it seemed like. 

“Apparently he fell down the stairs” Chimney popped a grape into his mouth.

Eddie made a weird noise with his mouth, not believing Buck actually fell down the stairs. “Doubt that” Eddie huffed, trying desperately to ignore the weird feeling in his gut. 

“Could be that his leg just gave out?” Hen frowned. “That’s expected after the surgery, probably over worked his leg and it just gave out on the stairs” 

“Yeah that makes sense” Buck wasn’t even sure who agreed. 

The warmth he felt in his stomach now replaced by dread and fear. He rushed back to the restroom, this time his legs actually buckled as he locked the door behind him. Sliding to the floor, devastated . 

He suddenly found himself struggling to breathe. The pounding in his chest almost loud enough to drown out his own thought. Unfortunately it was definitely not loud enough. Every ounce of hope and content drained from Bucks body. 

How could he be so stupid? 

The 118 didn’t care about him, they just wanted another reason to prove that he wasn’t ‘ready’. He almost laughed at himself as hot tears streamed down his cheeks, he truly was pathetic. 

Bobby hadn’t asked about his ugly marks because he cared about him. He just wanted confirmation on his previous beliefs that Buck wasn’t ready.

He just has to prove himself to his team. Maybe if they saw how hard he worked and how sorry he was they would let him back in. 

So Buck pushed himself off the tile floor, ignoring the ache in his leg. He would prove to them he wasn’t a mistake no matter what it takes. 

Bucks body felt like lead, his muscles begging him for a break but he refused to give in. The firehouse was the cleanest it ever been and Buck was rather proud. 

The toilets were sparkling and the ground was clean enough to eat off. There’s no way Bobby could find a way to complain about Buck’s work today. 

The team had been on constant calls all day and Buck was thankful for it. He had just finished up mopping the floors when they came back, nearing the end of their shift. 

None of them acknowledging him as they tracked mud all over the floor. 

“Would you get that Buckley” Bobby pointed at the once shining floor, not even giving Buck a second glance. Buck could just cry, all the work he had spent all day on gone within mere seconds. 

Instead he bit back his anguish and nodded his head and grabbed the mop. His body begged for rest, craving it. 

He brushed it off ignoring the searing pain within his leg and began mopping. The thought of going home to his warm bed was the only thing keeping him going. 

“Bucky!” Buck froze in place instantly, the mop almost dropping from his hands. He turned around to be greeted with a smiling Taylor. 

“Taylor? What are doing here?” His cheeks heated up as he realized Taylor had caught on to the fact that he was stuck on chore duty. 

“Well your shift finishes in” she checked her watch “fives minutes and I was hoping we could catch a cup of coffee or something” she placed a hand on his tense shoulder. 

Buck hadn’t even realized it was the end of his shift but he couldn’t be more thankful. “Yeah that would be nice” no it really would not. 

Buck hadn’t taken one break all day long and he would much rather spend the next twenty four hours in his bed feeling bad for himself. 

But Taylor cared about him so instead he would suck up his own sulking and give her exactly what she needed. He finished mopping up quickly, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your team?” Taylor looked at him with hopeful eyes, sticking out her lower lip in a pout. 

He swallowed down the lump in his throat and agreed not wanting to make her upset. 

Buck didn’t know what to do. How would he introduce his girlfriend to a team that was simply acting like he ceased to exsist. 

“Yeah just let me get changed real quick” Buck held his girlfriend hand as he let her wait for him in the loft. He tried to change quickly in hopes that Taylor wouldn’t come across anyone on the team. 

He was greeted with the sight of Taylor laughing along with Chimney and Hen. His heart almost ached at the sight, at the idea that he couldn’t be apart of that. 

“Hi Bucky” she threw him her million dollar smile before grabbing him into a kiss. 

“Hey babe you ready to go?” Hoping she wouldn’t want to say hi to Bobby and Eddie. Buck wanted out of this firehouse stat. 

“I didn’t get to say hi to captain Nash and Eddie yet” Hen and Chimney exchanged looks with one another. 

“I think they’re bus-“ 

“Nonsense Buckley” Buck turned around to be greeted by Bobby. “It’s nice to see you again Taylor” 

“You too captain” she smiled innocently at him, and for some reason Bobby felt uneasy. Buck had looked up at his two very different worlds colliding, and tried to swallow back the fear that Taylor could tell just how much his ‘team’ hated him. 

“Quite the fall Buck took there yesterday huh?” Hen brought up the topic he was hoping to avoid. 

“Yeah, when he tripped in the parking lot last night” Taylor had attempted to create her own lie on the spot. Bucks nerves quickly unraveled at the realization that the team was catching on to his lie. 

“Down the stairs- She’s talking about how I slipped down the stairs last night” Buck spoke up for the first time, nervous didn’t even begin to describe how he felt. 

Hen and Chimney exchanged looks that Both read ‘what the fuck?’. 

Taylor looked at Bucks faces again, “Oh that fall? Yeah he’s such a clutz sometimes! I can’t keep up with how many times he trips over his own two feet” she smiled blindly at them. 

“Yeah a real clutz that one” Buck looked up confused. He hadn’t even noticed Eddie enter the room, let alone did he expect him to socialize with his girlfriend. 

“Nice to see you again Taylor” Eddie held an expression that Buck couldn’t read. 

“Ah Eddie it’s nice to see you again ” Taylor smiled back at Eddie. 

Eddie glanced at the couple’s intertwined hands before looking over Buck’s face quickly, biting his lip. The sight of Buck happy with Taylor, bringing a strange amount of anger to his chest. Buck shouldn’t be happy, after all he’s put his team through, his family through. 

“Well we better get going. Don’t want Bucky’s favorite coffee spot to close” she spoke in a sickly sweet voice. 

Buck just waved at the team as he rushed to get out as quickly as possible. Suddenly the exhaustion he previously felt was replaced with adrenaline, and he wasn’t sure which was worse. The team finding out Taylor hit him or Taylor finding out just how unwelcome Buck was. 

The second Buck left the team shared a knowing look with one another. Buck was lying about what happened to his face, but the question was why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment I seek validation from Strangers on the internet 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 also if you wanna hit me up on tumblr (plaidpains there too) to discuss the show I would really enjoy that :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Mention of blood and violence.

She looked at him with her ‘reporter’ face determined to find a story. “Why don’t they like you?” she raised an eyebrow almost menicingly, it made Buck squirm. 

Every fear Buck previously had was all just confirmed by his girlfriend. He knew it was true but hearing it out loud and in the form of the question was somehow worse. 

Buck swirled the coffee in his cup around, avoiding eye contact. “Um” he bit the inside of his cheek unsure. “They’re still just a little upset about the lawsuit” a little was an understatement. He chugged the ice cold coffee infront of him hoping that somehow it would calm his nerves. 

“A little? I don’t think so babe” she tilted her head. “Your captain looked like her couldnt stand you being there. Or maybe he doesn’t like me?” She furrowed her brows together and poured her lips in sadness. 

Anyone watching their conversationfrom afar would think Buck was dumping her with the look on her face. 

“No! No! Trust me they like you” he grabbed her hands cautiously. “It’s me they have a problem with” his voice cracked at the end of his sentence. 

“Yeah especially Eddie, he was throwing daggers at you the whole time” she sipped her coffee to hide a smile. “He must really hate you” and somehow the world had gone silent to Buck. 

His biggest fears just confirmed right infront of him. Taylor wouldn’t lie to him, he knows that. He wanted to disagree with. To tell her that Eddie didn’t hate him. That he was just upset with him. That sooon everything would be back to normal. 

But he couldn’t bring himself to lie. 

The truth is Eddie really did hate him and theres nothing he could do about it. He had his doubts that Eddie would want to be his friend again. 

Yet Taylor had just confirmed every doubt and fear he had spent so many nights thinking about instead of sleeping. 

So when Taylor continued the conversation with a different topic it went in one ear and out the other. He only threw in a complete of ‘yeahs’ and ‘really?’ whenever it seemed fitting. 

His mind constantly replaying Taylor’s words ‘he must really hate you’, like a broken record. 

He had really messed up the one good thing going for him. He missed melting off the stress of of a hard shift at the bar with Hen and Chimney, teasing him. He missed dinners with Athena and Bobby. He really missed movie nights with Eddie and Christopher where they spent hours arguing over stupid cartoon characters. 

Now it was all gone, and he was alone. Sure he had Maddie but she had Chimney, and well even the rest of the 118. The only person left to actually care about him was Taylor and yet here he was thinking about Eddie while she was talking to him. 

“Really? Oh my goodness Bucky I’m so excited!” Taylor pulled him out of his own thoughts, slapping a kiss onto his lips. 

He wasn’t really even sure as to what he agreed on. 

“Us living together is going to be amazing” Buck almost choked in his coffee, the color draining from his face. 

“Uh yeah” Buck squeezed her hand back. “Can’t wait” he gulped thinking back to the night before. 

He shook the thoughts from his mind. That was a one time thing Taylor had apologized. She didn’t mean it. Her moving in was good for him. Right? He wouldn’t have to come home to an empty house and feel bad for himself. 

This is a good thing. 

*  
It’s been a week since Taylor and Buck not so mutually decided for Taylor to move in. The previous Friday was completely forgotten, simply a thing of the past amongst them both. 

Buck was down to moving the last box, Taylor trailing behind him when he so stupidly tripped over his own two feet. The box slipping from his grasp. The sound of a crashing erupting the abnormally silent apartment. 

Buck froze almost instantly. “Taylor I-I am so sorry” he stumble to pick up the box, opening it. 

The delicate blue vase inside was broken to bits, along with smaller glass vases. Bucks heart shattered with the glass in his arms. 

“No, no it’s okay” Buck sighed, the strange fear in his heart refusing to melt. “Why don’t we just break everything? Huh?” She suddenly exclaimed taking the pile of plates on the counter and throwing them on the floor aggressively. 

Buck flinched, his heart racing. “Clearly nothing matters to you right?” She was shouting now chucking a plate at Buck, barely missing his head. 

And then another and another, why was their a surplus amount of glass plates on Bucks counter? 

The rage in Taylor’s eyes made Buck fold into himself. His hand instantly going over his head to protect his face. Stupidly leaving the rest of him out into the open for Taylor’s wrath. 

She chucked a plate again, this time hitting his abdomen. That instantly knocked the air out of his lungs. 

“Are you stupid? Buck that was my favorite vase what’s wrong with you?” Buck heart twisted in his chest. 

Another plate chucked at him, this time jabbing his ribs aggressively. He didn’t even have enough time to react as another glass plate collided with his body. 

Taylor was strangely strong, each plate heading his direction leaving a substantial amount of pain behind it. 

“I’m- I’m sorry” he whispering pathetically as a plate crashed beneath his ankles again. 

Taylor was breathing heavily now, anger painting her soft features. “I’m sorry I didn’t- I didn’t mean to” he swallowed the lump in just throat ignoring the pain searing through his body. 

She approached him now, almost nose to nose. Buck had to do everything in his power to not flinch, which was hard considering how much he was shaking. 

She grabbed his wrist harshly. “I want this cleaned up by the time I get home” she spit venomously. She held his wrist so harshly he was scared it might just snap in her overbearing grip. “Do you understand?” She squeezes harder, twisting it slightly. 

He struggled to respond. Suddenly not able to find his voice. His brain urging him to respond for his wrist was quite literally on the verge of snapping. 

“Hello” he looked into her eyes, all signs of love gone. 

“Y-yes yes I understand” He spoke weakly. She let go of his wrist before storming out and slamming the door behind her. 

Buck instantly pulled his wrist into his chest, attempting to rub the pain away. A red mark decorated his thin wrist. A bruise was sure to appear there the following day. 

He looked down at the Broken glass surrounding his feet, before grabbing a broom to clean it. He ignored the excruciating pain rubbing through his body as he bent down to pick up the glass. 

“Fuck” he dropped the piece of glass that cut his hand. Great, as if he wasn’t in enough pain. Blood dripped out of his hand quickly, stupid blood thinners. 

He rushed to the bathroom applying pressure in the cut, catching sight of himself in the mirror. 

The cuts on his face were fading but somehow he looked even worse than last week when he stood in the same position. He hated the face looking back at him, the sad eyes the sunken cheeks, all of it he hated it. 

Before he knew it his fist was colliding with the mirror, sound of seven years of bad luck flooding the apartment. 

He bit back a yelp looking at his shaking hand infront of him. Sinking to the floor he allowed a sob to escape his lips. 

Taylor haf ever right to do what she did. He couldn’t even bring himself to fight back because deep inside he knows he deserves it. He ruined everything he touched, every person he loved. 

He was so weak. 

He had just punched a mirror, had it been out of frustration or anger he would never know. 

He ignored the pain sprouting throughout his body and hissed as he wrapped a towel around his hand. Blood seemed to be escaping from every inch of his hand, this wasn’t a cut he could simply fix himself. So the emergency room he goes. 

His hand wasn’t too bad, no stitches which was a plus. Just some gauze and a scolding from his doctor. 

He drove home in complete silence, trying to think about anything but Taylor. Which only got him thinking about the 118, which was even worse. 

Thankfully he could still work with his hand it was nothing major. Thankfully his own stupidity didn’t ruin work, at least any worse than it already was.

He didn’t expect Taylor to be sitting on the couch when he got home. Fear crept through his tense body, which was a strange thing to happen at the sight of your girlfriend. 

“Hey” she smiled at Buck, patting the seat next to her. “I bought you your favorite drink mocha cloud no foam” that wasn’t his favorite.

“I’m sorry” those were the last words Buck expected to leave Taylor’s mouth. He took the seat besides her, his body involuntarily stiffening when she placed her hand on his thigh. “About earlier, I’m sorry babe. I just-I do this because I care about you” Buck’s brows furrowed together, she did this because she cared? 

“I just want you to learn” she whispered squeezing his uninjured hand. 

“I-I’m sorry” Bucks voice croaked. Taylor cared about him. She only did this because she cared. Finally someone cared about him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment I seek validation from Strangers on the internet 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 also if you wanna hit me up on tumblr (same username) And I know we didn’t get any of the team and Buck but I promise we will in the next chapter! Ngl I will be writing a shít ton of fics to fill the void of season 4 not premiering until 2021 :( so of you have any prompt ideas don’t be scared to share. Anyway thanks for reading hope you enjoy :)


	4. Chapter 4

Exhaustion seeped within his bones. Being constantly tired attached to him like a leech always draining him. Doing chores lately was hard enough as is but with the addition of a bandaged hand and an abdomen littered with bruises it was especially hard. Instead of dwelling on his exhaustion he rushed to change his clothes. Taylor had asked him to come home right away and he really didn’t want to risk making her mad again. 

If he was quick enough no would notice the ugly bruised littering his body. The present injuries she had left were a lot easier to hide then the previous ones, that he was grateful for. A strange thing to be grateful that a hurtful mark your girlfriend left on you isn’t viewable but Buck was thankful nonetheless. It’s not like anyone would care to ask about his bruises regardless. Sure his wounded hands got him a few funny looks but nothing more. Not that Buck expected them to care, he had lost that right the second he filed the lawsuit. 

He shook the thoughts out of his head, worry suddenly creeping up on him. He had looked over the clock and was already running late. Taylor’s going to be mad. He gulped down, his hands suddenly shaking as he put in his locker combo.

Buck was so flustered with worry that he accidentally flung his shirt half way across the locker room as he took it off. He grabbed it as quickly as he dropped it, hoping no one had witnessed the scene that just occurred or the bruised littering his body. 

When Buck arrived home he was greeted with the sweet scent of garlic and roasted tomatoes. A change from the usual lavender Taylor drowned the house in. 

“Hi babe” she greeted kissing his cheek. Buck swallowed down his worries, Taylor’s in a good mood he could relax. 

His shoulders involuntarily stiffened as Taylor placed her hands on them, leading him to the dining room table. 

“What’s all this?” Buck took in the sight of fancy wine and homemade Italian food. His mind racking for any important dates he might have missed, nothing coming to up. 

“I just thought we could start doing something special. Kind of like a date night” she smiled brightly placing a plate of pasta infront of Buck. 

The aroma of creamy tomato sauce and basil once making his stomach growl. Now he felt nauseous at the thought alone. 

He swallowed down the lump of nausea and took a spoonful as Taylor smiled at him. 

“So I was thinking” she shuffled the salad on her plate around. “that before your shift tomorrow we could grab some brunch?”.

Buck gulped his second spoonful nervously. His chest suddenly thumping. His brain trying to think of a way to let Taylor know that he couldn’t go out with her because he’s already promised Maddie. His hands involuntarily began shaking as he placed his fork down. Taylor’s going to be mad. 

How weak of him, too scared to tell her no. “Buck?” She pulled him out of his own inner battle. 

“S-sorry I would-I would love to but I uh already promised Maddie “ he squeezed his eyes shut pathetically expecting a blow to the face. 

When nothing collided with his face or no shouting ripples through the air he looked up to see Taylor sipping her red wine. 

“That’s fine” she smiled tightly. Buck’s heart still beating unnaturally fast, scared that this was some type of joke. 

“Really? You’re not mad?” Buck asked pitifully. 

She laughed sending a chill down Buck’s spine. “Why would I be mad?” She sipped her wine again. “ I love Maddie” 

Buck simply nodded, letting out a breathe he didn’t notice that he was holding. He stabbed at his plate mindlessly hoping it take the edge off a little. He was so occupied with his salad he didn’t notice the glare hiding behind Taylor’s wine glass.  
*  
Buck smiled at the sight of Maddie sitting at the table waiting for him. The scene warming his heart and filling him with fondness. Maddie has become one of the only constants in his life and he has no idea what he’d do with out her. 

Maddie pulled him into a bone crushing hug making his bruised ribs scream in pain. 

He grimaced slightly as Maddie pulled away. “You okay?” She held so much concern in her eyes that he almost felt guilty for keeping what’s happening to him a secret.

Tell her. A voice in his mind pleaded it strangely sounded like Eddie. Which is funny considering Eddie does not give a single fuck about Buck. 

He shook the pleading out of his mind and faked a smile. 

“Never better” Maddie looked like she didn’t believe him but wouldn’t push further. 

“Buck it’s like a million degrees out why are you wearing a sweater? ”Maddie has always been observant and usually that had a been a plus but right now it was just putting making Buck nervous. 

His body ached begging for him to reach out to his big sister for help but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Maddie was finally happy, her and Chimney are so good together and Buck can’t do that to her. He can’t remind her of Doug and what she’s been through for his own selfish reasons. That part of Maddie’s life was buried and should stay that way. 

Besides Buck deserves everything coming his was, Maddie deserves the world. 

He was wearing a sweater to hide the hideous bruise Taylor left on his wrist. But Maddie didn’t need to know that. “I get cold easily” he shrugged sipping the water infront of his. Hoping the statement was somewhat believable. 

“Mhmm” Maddie pursued her lips. “We missed you last night” she swiftly changed the subject and Buck had never been more grateful. 

“Last night?” He asked confused 

“Oh did Taylor not tell you? She must’ve forgotten we all went out for drinks, it must’ve slipped her mind” Bucks heart sank into his chest. 

The team was bonding without him, not that he was surprised. But it didn’t hurt any less. Taylor had probably not told him because she knows no one would want him there. 

“Eddie was asking about you” Maddie said this softer than her previous words. Her eyes gleaming like she knew something Buck didn’t. 

“He did?” Buck tried to keep the hope and excitement out of his voice, failing miserably.

As if the world wanted to spite him the waiter came that exact moment, taking both their orders. Bucks leg shook impatiently as he waited for Maddie to order every part of him wanting to know exactly what Eddie had said about him. 

After she finished ordering an abnormally large amount of food she turned back to Buck smiling slyly. 

“He did” she raised a brow, smirking teasingly. It made Buck squirm, feeling like he was under a microscope. 

“Uh what’d he say” he rubbed the back of his neck trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. 

“He didn’t know that you and Taylor moved in together” of course he didn’t. Eddie has been ignoring Buck for months he wasn’t going to suddenly let the man know that he was moving in with his girlfriend. “Why didn’t you tell him Buck?” Maddie asked as if she was interrogating a criminal. 

“Must’ve slipped my mind” Buck lied swallowing down harshly. “Anyway we’re here about you. You said you had something important to talk about.” Buck swiftly changed the topic. Talking about Eddie made him feel funny in all the wrong ways. It also made his heart break a little and he isn’t sure why. 

“Here” Maddie smiled brightly all previous conversation dissolving into thin air. She placed a shiny blue gift bag on the table causing Buck to furrow his brows together in confusion. 

“It’s not my birthday is it?” 

Maddie slapped his arm lightly, laughing. “Just open it” 

Buck opened the gift slowly, revealing a teddy bear dressed as a firefighter. To add more confusion it was holding a card. Buck took it with shaking hands and read the words over and over again in disbelief. 

“I’m going to be an uncle” he read again looking up with wide eyes and an open mouth. “You’re?” 

“Yeah!” She nodded smiling with tears shining her eyes. 

“So I’m-“ 

“An Uncle” Buck smiled as tears of joy slipped from his eyes. 

“Mads I’m so happy for you” he smiled so large for the first time in a long time. This time it was him pulling his sister in a bone crushing hug. “So happy” he pulled away a looking into her eyes that’s were full of so much joy that his heart could burst. 

Now Maddie could definitely not know about Taylor. God if she found out in general it’d be bad but her being pregnant? Buck could never do that to her. He pulled his head out of the clouds smiling at his sister again. 

“Look at you Maddie all grown up” he sniffled wiping his tears with his good hand. “I’m really proud of you” he smiled again. 

“And I’m proud of you” Buck gave her a questioning look. 

“You’ve really grown up Evan. I think Taylor’s really good for you” Buck’s body tensed at the mention of her name. “I’m really happy you found her” 

“Me too” Buck smiled but it came out more like a grimace. 

“Buck! What happened to your hand?” Maddie has just taken sight of the wrapped wound. 

“Kitchen accident” Buck was surprised by Maddie’s giggles. 

“Oh my goodness be careful stupid! Don’t kill yourself before you get to miss you niece or nephew!” She exclaimed laughing. 

“I’ll try” Buck smiled but Maddie’s words burned into his brain. 

*  
After brunch Buck rushed to work. Opening his locker swiftly to change as quick as possible. He almost didn’t see the pill bottle fall out of his locker. 

A bottle of arnica with a note taped on. ‘Should help with bruising’. Scribbled on the crumpled paper sloppily. 

Buck looked around the locker room with wide eyes. His heart race increasing for what felt like the millionth time in the last 24 hours. 

Someone had seen his bruises. Someone was catching onto his secret. Someone might actually care about him.  
*  
Maddie thought Buck and Taylor were perfect for each other. They both radiated the same social and bubbly energy. It was hard not to like them together. 

In Maddie’s eyes they were perfect together. So to say she was shocked that Taylor had shown up at her doorstep in tears about what Buck had done would be and understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oopsies is that a cliffhanger my bad :) So who do we think left some arnica for buck? I kind of hated this chapter and rewrote it multiple times but I do hope that you enjoyed it. As always comments are greatly appreciated <3 thank you for reading and stay safe :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So I will be changing the title of this story because honestly I’m not crazy about the current one. So just keep an eye out for the next chapter. Ok enjoy :)

Maddie sat there with her mouth slightly agape. Heat suddenly rising throughout her body. Her lunch was seconds away from ending up on the living room floor if she hadn’t swallowed her nauseous down. Struggling to piece together the words that just left Taylor’s mouth. It just doesn’t make sense, it couldn’t make sense.

She shook her head as pools of tears piled at her eyes. “Buck hit you?” She swallowed the lump in her throat. Buck, her baby brother. Her baby brother who is always so sweet, so selfless, who couldn’t hurt a fly. Let alone another human being.

Buck who has dedicated his whole life to helping people. Maddie struggled to picture him laying a hand on his girlfriend.

She’s lying. The wicked part of her pleaded, scratching at the surface for an explanation, a reason. Yet her sympathy out-weighed the creeping thoughts.

Although every ounce of her heart begged her to deny it, to even accuse Taylor of lying, her brain urged her to believe the victim. She swept the tears away struggling to view Buck under the same lense she viewed Doug. He’s always been so good to her, then again others had thought Doug was just as decent a man as Buck is. She chewed on her lips to stop a sob from escaping. The mere thought of Buck and Doug falling under the same catergory making her sick to her stomach.

“We were arguing and he just shoved me and I- I didn’t know who to come to” Taylor sunk deeper into the couch, her face in her hands. “I’m sorry Maddie” she whispered, not looking up.

“No” she shook her head, her trembling hands running though her hair. Choosing to ignore the battle within her. “Taylor never apologize. I just-I just I can’t believe it” past memories creeping up her, instilling the same amount of fear she previously felt. She can’t imagine what she would do if Buck hadn’t believed her about Doug. Buck. Now he was turning into the same monster he defended Maddie against.

Maddie had no choice but to believe Taylor.

Never in a million years would Maddie ever imagine to be in this situation, to relive her past through her brother. “I know. He’s just been really stressed about work and I think that’s-“ Taylor attempted to defend Buck’s actions but Maddie couldn’t take it.

“No Taylor don’t make excuses. With- with Doug I always tried to make excuses” she gulped harshly, the feeling in the pit of her stomach only worsening with every word. “I’ll-I’ll talk to him and I recommend you two take a break” the thought of having to face Buck set a rollercoster of emotion through her again. Maybe there was more to the story, she couldn’t simply listen to Taylor without any of Buck’s input.

There had to be an explanation for this. She desperately needed one.

“No!” Taylor exclaimed abruptly grabbing Maddie’s hand. “I just think you should distance yourself because I don’t want you to worry too much. Especially with the baby on the way” Maddie raised her brows to hairline, the shock evident on her face. Buck had told Taylor about her pregnancy? After she had specifically told him not to? Her sorrow now mixed with frustration and anger, her brain almost short circuiting.

Maddie trusted Buck with one of the most important and biggest secrets of her life and he had run off and told Taylor. Has he really changed so much? When had all this happened?

“Buck told you?” Taylor’s tears suddenly dried, and her face scrunched up with guilt.

“Oh my goodness was he not supposed to tell me? I’m so sorry Maddie. He just told me not too long ago and I didn’t know you wanted to keep it a secret.” Taylor pouted her lips. Maddie sat in disbelief struggling to comprehend everything Buck had done.

Devastation and rage pounded against her chest. Taylor’s words replaying in her ears, maybe she was right. Maybe distance was the best thing right now, because if Maddie even saw Buck at this moment she isn’t sure what she would do exactly.

“No it’s not your fault. Maybe you’re right about giving him some space. “ Maddie bit the inside of her cheek, nodding. She’s doing it again. She’s cutting Buck out of her life, even if it’s just for a while. Despite the circumstances it somehow hurts even more than before.  
  


* * *

Buck stared at his phone sorrowfully reading over all the unanswered texts he sent Maddie. They get progressively more desperate as he goes, scrunching his nose at how pathetic he sounded.

Attachment: 1 image  
Your kids gonna wear this on Halloween I already ordered it ;) can’t wait to be an uncle :)

Hey Maddie we still on for tonight?

I guess not lol call me when you can

Down to grab breakfast before work tomorrow?

How’s Maddie/Chimney junior? Any updates?

Hey Mads hope everything’s ok tried calling no answer

Maddies it’s been over a week please just let me know if you’re doing ok

Chimney says you’re fine but please call me when you get the chance. Miss you <3

The last text was sent only yesterday and it was eerily familiar to when Maddie went radio silent on him for three years. He shook away the memory, Maddie wouldn’t do that to him. Not again at least. No Maddie was one of the only people he had left she couldn’t do that to him.

Maybe she just needs some time to herself, two weeks is a lot of time. He rolled his eyes at his own bitter remarks the sound of the doorbell thankfully pulling him out of his own self loathing.

He got off the couch, expecting Taylor to have forgotten something. Instead of the usual redhead he was greeted with a million dollar smile belonging to his favorite kid.

His heart exploding with felicity, blinking again and again just to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him. “Christopher?” His voice cracking with emotion as he pulled the boy into a hug. “What- what’re you doing here?” He looked up just now noticing Carla. She looked at him with a knowing smile as they walked inside.

“Spending the day with you” Christopher smiled brightly and Buck couldn’t help but engulf him in a another hug. The emptiness consuming him for so long now being replaced with a warm bubbly feeling at the sound of Christopher’s giggles.

The boy meant so much to Buck and not seeing him for so long has definitely taken a toll on him. But now he’s here and Buck can’t help but think about how angry Eddie will be once he finds out.

“Chris why don’t you go set up the games you brought over there while I talk to Buck real quick” Christopher nodded plopping down on the couch.

“Come here Buckaroo ” Carla pulled him into a well needed hug. “I’m so sorry this is on such short notice but my moms in the hospital and Isabel couldn’t watch him and Josephine is out of town.”

Buck glanced back at Christopher, his heart soaring at the sight of the boy. “Carla I don’t know of Eddie would be alright with me watching Christopher” he rubbed the back of his neck, nervously thinking of Eddie shouting at him for even talking to Christopher.

“Nonsense I already told him he’s fine with it” she placed a hand on his shoulder looking into his eyes with concern.

“Really?” Buck asked failing to hide the excitement in his voice. His brain struggling to understand how Eddie would be okay with this.

“Of course why wouldn’t he be?” Carla looked him over again, her eyes pouring into Buck’s own.

“No reason” he lied straight through his teeth. Carla nodded not pushing for anymore answers.

She glanced over Bucks appearance once more after not seeing him in so long. Her eyes halting at his bruised arms making Buck rub at them self-consciously. “You okay there Buckaroo?” She asked her hands gently going over the bruises littering his body. He wasn’t even sure when Taylor had left those ones. He pulled his arms into himself internally cursing himself for not wearing a sweater.

“Yeah it’s just the job you know” he licked his lips looking anywhere but her eyes.

She looked at him again tilting her head and with a sad smile, “You take care of yourself okay?” Buck nodedd as she pulled him into another hug. “And dear God would you eat something I don’t need you wasting away on me” Buck threw her a half hearted smile.

“I will. Let me know how your mom’s doing” she nodded goodbye before making her way out.

Buck yanked on a sweatshirt from his closet quickly. The possibility of Christopher seeing anything made his stomach flip like a cheap State-fair ride.

“Hey buddy I missed you” Buck grinned brightly, sitting next to Christopher. the first genuine smile he’s had in awhile pulling at his cheeks.

Christopher grabbed him into another hug. “I missed you too Bucky” he whispered into his chest. When he pulled back Christopher was beaming at him as if he was Superman himself. All his worries and thoughts escaping him as he looked into Christopher’s innocent eyes, his heart fluttering with so much love.

God did he miss this kid.

They spent the day playing an impossible amount of board games, Christopher beating Buck almost every time.

Christopher was pressing a Spider-Man tatto to his cheek, completely focused at the task at hand. “You know” he furrowed his brows together peeling the tattoo off slowly. “I thought I would never see you ever again” Buck picked his jaw up just as quickly as it dropped.

To be fair he thought the same thing, not that he could tell Christopher that. “Well Superman hate to break it to you but you can’t rid of me” Christopher giggled not pushing the subject any further and Buck has never been so grateful.

He grabbed two popsicles from the freezer in an attempt to change the topic of conversation. He wasn’t really in the mood of explaining how he had colossally fucked up his and Eddies relationship. “Okay Christopher orange or cherry?” Christopher scrunched his nose at the popsicle choices. Popsicles were a lot easier to talk about than life.

“Orange! Cherry tastes like medicine” he giggled causing a smile to erupt on Buck’s face.

“Yeah?” He ripped open the cherry one popping it into his mouth. “Tastes delicious to me” he stuck his tongue out at Christopher earning another laugh, like music to his ears.

He smiled at the boy infront of him, all the lost time flooding his thoughts. His heart yearing for what he once had with Christopher, with Eddie. Something that almost felt like more than just a friendship.

“Hey Buck” Buck hummed in response turning to the boy. “Can I ask you a question?” Christopher licked his popsicle not looking up.

“Of course”

“Why aren’t you and dad friends anymore?” So they were definitely not over that topic then. He licked his popsicle for a second longer thinking of a way to summarize everything ‘Rated G’ way.

What’s he even supposed to say? Yeah I kind of filed a lawsuit against the entire team without thinking and set off a chain reaction. Now your dad along with everyone else hasn’t talked to me in months and actually hates my living guts.

Oh not to mention I now too also hate myself everyday because I can’t stop thinking about your dad and how much I miss him and the fact that he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. Eddie could really go the rest of his life without seeing Buck and be happy. That was only the beginning of it, Buck couldn’t even start to process the rest.

But Buckreally couldn’t tell Christopher all of that. So he opted for the more ‘kid friendly’ explanation. “Well I wouldn’t say we aren’t friends anymore. It’s just that sometimes when friends are mad at one another and they don’t talk so that they don’t accidentally say mean things that they’ll regret” Buck subconsciously rubbed his birthmark. Not believing his own words but praying Christopher at least would.

“So will you start coming over again? I really missed you” he fiddled with his popsicle stick, not really looking at Buck. Sorrow filled his chest at the innocent question.

He really messed up. “Maybe some day”

“This weekend?” Buck smiled sadly at him, not wanting to disappoint him more than he already has.

“Maybe” saved by the bell, the sound of the doorbell interrupting their conversation. “Wait here I’ll be right back” he opened the door to Taylor, all the joy Chris implanted in him suddenly deteriorating.

“Why aren’t you dressed? And whats all over your face?” Her voice was strained and Bucks back suddenly stiffened, out of habit now. He had made sure not to leave a mess, listened to everything she told him there’s no way she could be upset with him. Sure he hadn’t told her about Christopher spending the day but he didn’t think she would mind. “Seriously Evan don’t tell me you forgot” she pulled closer to him. Fury evident in her eyes as she wrapped a hand around Buck’s bicep aggressively. She raised her hand above her head ready to strike.

“How many time-“ Buck stopped her before she could go any further.

“Wait! - wait Taylor please not right not” he hissed loudly, tilting his head towards Christopher who was now watching with wide eyes.

Taylor pulled back immediately, painting a smile on her face. “Don’t tell me you forgot about dinner with my parents tonight. She grinned so hard Buck swore her teeth were going to fall off.

He gulped nervously, desperately trying to think of an excuse with the least amount of backlash. “Taylor I’m so sorry. Christopher needed a last minute babysitter.” Her smile not faultering once as she glance back at Christopher again. Buck realized no amount of apologies would save him from the repercussions he was going to face.

The hair on back of Bucks neck standing straight up at her expression. “Don’t even worry about it. Nice to see you Christopher” the eerie grin still on her face as she left to get changed. Buck let out a breathe he hadn’t noticed he was holding. Composing himself before turning back to Christopher with a bullshit smile.

Taylor’s reaction was only a sample of what he should expect tonight. He didn’t let himself think it over, instead he tried to give Christopher his full attention.

“Buck who’s that?” Christopher asked skeptically glancing upstairs.

“That’s my girlfriend.” Buck swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth. His body still on caution mode.

“Is she mad that I’m here?” Christopher asked with sad eyes making Buck instantly soften. Taylor has every right to be angry with him, but Christopher she has no right to even glance at. He couldn’t even bare to think of it.

“Oh no no buddy of course not.”

“Then why was she yelling” Buck fidgeted uncomfortably under Christopher’s questions. Usually when Taylor did this there wasn’t an audience, especially one that’s a kid. He was lucky she stopped when she did.

“She’s just a little tired from work, here why don’t we finish this puzzle” he pointed to the superhero puzzle on the table.

The distraction more for himself than Christopher. His thoughts constantly drifting to how angry Taylor would be with him later on. He’s never actually talked back to Taylor especially not infront of someone. Forgetting the dinner with her parents was only the cherry on top.

He failed another person who cares about him, the only person left. He really deserves whatevers coming his way. The slam of the front door pulled him out of his thoughts, Taylor leaving for the dinner alone. Buck gulped nervously before turning his attention back on Christopher.

“Are you okay?” Christopher asked sounding beyond his years. Buck shook all the fear creeping inside of him instead plastering on a fake grin and nodding.

“Yeah let’s finish this puzzle up so we can get some pizza” his smile no longer reaching his eyes. The back of his mind constantly reminding him how upset Taylor was with him.  
Christopher laid across Buck chewing on a slice of pizza as the movie rolled on the screen. Both on them content with their day, Buck had almost forgotten Eddie wasn’t speaking to him. “That must be your dad” Buck stood up at the sound of a knock on the door.

“Awe” Christopher whined, making Buck laugh. Christopher trailed behind him as he slowly opened the door. His smile faltering when Eddie came into view, the complex hallway somehow becoming smaller.

He swallowed his nerves as Eddie’s once soft eyes, now hard and cold, bore into his own. He didn’t throw Buck a second glance as Christopher shouted “Dad!”

“Hey mijo” he smiled brightly pulling Christopher into a hug. Buck watching with a funny feeling in his chest. “Come on it’s getting late and you’re gonna spend the day at Abuela’s tomorrow” he threw Buck another glance eyes lingering in his Spider-Man tattoo.

“But dad we didn’t finish the movie yet” Christopher pouted looking at Buck for support.

Buck shrugged looking at Eddie. “It’s okay Superman we can finish it next time” Christopher frowned but nodded.

“Alright let’s go Buck has work tomorrow and so do I” Eddie chewed on his lip, as Christopher grabbed at Buck for a hug.

“You promise I’ll see you again soon?” Christopher whispered not so quietly. Buck glanced at Eddie again, his brows furrowed together. He really couldn’t promise Christopher that. No matter how badly he wanted to. This was a one time thing, Buck had lucked out. Spending the day with Christopher was the most fun he’s had in a while but that’s all it was, one day.

Eddie nodded at him and Buck’s eyes widen. “I promise. Now be good for your dad okay?” Buck pulled away looking into Christopher’s eyes smiling sadly.

“Aye aye captain” he laughed turning away.

“Uh thanks for today I know it was very last minute” Eddie rubbed the back of his neck avoiding eye contact. Buck pretended that his heart beat didn’t increase to triple its normal speed. Eddie hasn’t spoken to him in so long his voice almost sounded different to his ears now.

His mind scrambling for a response. Maybe ‘hey sorry I ruined our friendship but I really miss you and need you back in my life’ but instead his tongue fell heavy.

‘He must really hate you’ Taylor’s previous words played over in his head. Not that they weren’t true but boy did they hurt. Especially when Eddie was so close yet so far.

Say something! Anything!

“No problem. You know I love that kid” not an apology but it was something. The pace of his heart still quick as Eddie simply nodded.

“Bye Bucky see you soon” yeah right. Eddie opened his mouth before closing it again any words he was going to say dying in his throat. He opted for a wave and just as fast as he came he was gone again. So Buck was left alone to reminisce the times when Eddie and Christopher wold stay until they all accidentally fell asleep on the couch while watching a cheesy movie.

Nothing but memories now.

* * *

  
Eddie couldnt bring himself to stop thinking about Buck. No matter how much he tried him and his stupidly blue eyes were always crossing Eddie’s mind.

The anger in his chest only seemed to increase whenever he caught sight of the younger man and he wasn’t sure why exactly. He tried to be reasonable, as reasonable as he could be at least. Not allowing himself to talk to Buck till the anger simmered down, but it never seemed to. It only marinated and everyday Eddie found himself more and more hurt by what Buck did. More angry. And he wanted nothing more than to hurt Buck just like he had hurt him.

He wasn’t even sure why he was so affected by what Buck did. It’s not like they were dating. No they were just friends, really close friends.

So when Eddie found out Christopher was going to spend the day with Buck he was a little worried. Yet the second he saw Buck smiling brightly at Christopher with both of them having matching tattoos he couldn’t help but feel weak in the knees and a little confused.

So he left as quick as he could because he was still mad at Buck no matter how sweet he was with Christopher. The longer he stayed the more likely he was to forgive Buck on the spot and he wanted to,god did he want to. But he just couldn’t, the fear of Buck’s abandonment still crawling up in his chest. If he were to forgive Buck it couldn’t be just because how absurdly good he was with Christopher.

It had to be different.

“Did you have fun today Christopher?” He asked the question hoping to distract himself from thoughts consuming him.

“Yeah!” He continued chatting about all the different projects they did and movies they watched, “but Buck’s girlfriend is kinda mean” he said it so nonchalantly that Eddie almost didn’t notice.

He hit the brake on the car, pulling to the side of the road. Christopher was a good kid, it takes a lot for him to think someone’s mean. So when he brings it up Eddie can’t help but worry, worry that Buck’s girlfriend said or did something to make Christopher feel bad about himself. Eddie is really hoping she didn’t because then all hell would break loose.

He turned to Christopher, hoping his face didn’t examplify his outrage. “Was she mean to you?” He asked clearly and stern.

Christopher gave him a funny look before shaking his head. “No not to me. To Buck” he said like it was the most obvious thing.

Eddie sighed in relief, thankful Buck hasn’t let any mistreat his kid. “What makes you say that?” Eddie pushed, even though technically he knows he shouldn’t be prying on people’s private relationships. But if his kid says someone’s mean then he’s gotta know why.

“She was yelling at Buck” he let out another sigh. His son had probably just witnessed a normal argument between a couple and naturally came to Buck’s defense.

“Christopher, honey sometimes couples fight and that’s a normal thing. Okay?” Eddie looked at his son, he’s too good to be his. He was so protective over ‘his Bucky’ that he saw someone not praising him as an immediate threat.

“No dad” Christopher let out an exasperated sigh “Buck looked scared, I’ve only seen Buck scared once” he held out his small finger before whispering like it was a secret. “During the tsunami.” Eddie racked his brain for an explanation to give Christopher but he struggled to find one even for himself. There’s no good reason for Buck to be scared of his girlfriend, why the hell would he be?

Eddies mind wandering to the bruises on Buck’s torso he caught not too long ago. He shuddered the thoughts away just as quickly as they came. Almost laughing at the idea of Taylor having anything to do with it. There had to be a better explanation for Buck’s reaction.

Buck was probably just uncomfortable with Christopher being there to witness an argument. “Christopher trust me you don’t have to worry about Buck buddy. He’s perfectly fine” he smiled squeezing Christopher’s leg, “he’s perfectly fine” he repeated more to himself then Christopher.

“If you say so” Christopher mumbled. Eddie ignored the weird tug at his heart and continued the drive home. He wasn’t crazy about Taylor, something about her always seemed off to Eddie; but he couldn’t go around accusing her of things. He didn’t really like to think about her and Buck together and he’s not sure why. He barely even knows her but he doubts she’s anything buts perfect for Buck. Hell Maddie had bragged about how good Taylor was for Buck not too long ago.

Him and his son alike were both overthinking. Buck should be fine.

* * *

  
In hindsight Buck should’ve been prepared for Taylor’s ‘wrath’ as he liked to call it. But this time it was different. He had spent most of the day with Christopher that he has almost forgotten the argument with Taylor, and the fact that he bailed on dinner with her parents.

Hence the almost, he spent the lather of the night thinking about how angry Taylor’s going to be with him. The twist in his stomach only increasing with every minute.

The front door opening made the hairs on the back of neck stand straight up. He stood directly infront of it waiting for Taylor.

“H-hey babe” he hesitated approaching her. She looked at him with so much rage Buck couldn’t help but shrink in on himself.

“Listen I’m really sorry about today. I didn’t know he’d be coming and-“ he was cut off with a sharp slap to the cheek. He was far from surprised but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“You’re so unreliable!” She paused, her hands running through her hair angrily. “How could you do this to me? You humiliated me infront of my parents” she was speaking in such a low calm voice that Buck had almost wished she was shouting instead.

“Can you do anything right?” Her nostrils flared as she pushed Buck against the counter top making him topple over slightly. “What are you not gonna say anything?” She slapped him again, splitting his lip now.

His mouth filling with the metallic taste of blood. His face feeling like it had a heart beat of it’s own, his skin growing red and hot from where she’d slapped him.

“Even your own team resents you ! You’re useless! Your own sister can’t rely on you” Buck bit back the sob in his throat. The memories of his family leaving him, ignoring him flooding back.

Her words going over every single one of his insecurities, verifying them. A fist colliding with his cheek again. “You just- you do this to yourself! You make a person so fucking mad!” She shouted now angrily throwing the lamp besides her to the ground.

The rest of her words falling numb to his ears as angry fists collided with Buck’s pale skin. She threw around different parts of their home in a thrash of anger and bitterness. The puzzle him and Christopher spent all day on now a heaping pile of nothing on the floor, along with the art projects they made.

He couldn’t bring himself to fight back. The thought of physically hurting Taylor pained him. He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t that person. Even if he wanted to fight back he couldn’t bring himself to stoop to that level. So instead he stood there and took it.

The taste of blood filling his mouth as he looked up at her from the ground, finally collapsing, every part of his body begging him to give up. Searing hot pain coursed through him as she finalized her ‘work’ with one final kick to his bad leg.

It’s not that Buck couldn’t fight back, he easily could. Sure he wasn’t nearly as bulked up as he once was but he could take on Taylor, at least he’d like to think. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He can’t defend himself. He can’t fight back. Maybe it’s because a part of him knows just how much he deserves this

“Just remember I do this because I care” and with that she was gone. Out the front door to spend the night with a friend. Leaving Buck to deal with the fall out.

Her words playing though his head like a broken record. Blood seeping from one of his various injuries onto his Spider-Man tattoo mixed with his tears.

The thought of asking for help made him cringe. He was barely a man but he needed an out. Someone anyone just to talk to.

He was dialing her number before her knew, again straight to voicemail.

“Hey Maddie” he sniffled into the phone pathetically. “I know you’ve been ignoring my calls and texts for a while now but I really really need you” he bit back a sob. Feeling like a little boy again who needs his big sister to make all the bad go away. “I really need you Mads, you- you’re one of the only people I have left.” He was full blown bawling now, the mix of blood and tears dripping down his chin.

He chucked his phone against the wall screaming as more tears escaped his eyes. He was in this alone. He always ended up alone. He collapsed to the floor again his chest racking with sobs escaping his lips.

Now all he has left is Taylor, she actually cared in her own special way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked really hard on this chapter so I hop it meets you expectations :) we even got a little Eddie and Buck! I’m hoping to keep this story under 15 chapters but we’ll see. As always comments are soooo appreciated like really they make me whole day. Also feel free to HMU on tumblr as the same user :) hope you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously Titled: No Fault But His Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone thank you so much for the comments on the last chapter. I apologize for the delay. Okay enjoy :)

Eddie grabbed his phone the second the ‘ding’ went off, hoping to read a response from Buck.Instead reading a text that his bill was past-due. He rolled his eyes at his own antics slipping his phone into his back pocket. He had spent a good percentage of his morning drafting a text to send Buck. With how long he spent on it you'd think it was for something really important but nope Christopher just forgot his backpack.

Texting Buck after God knows how long just felt wrong.The previous text between the two of them taunting him. The threads going from Buck sending impossible conspiracy theories and Eddie making fun of him to weeks of deafening silence. The last texts between them being months old and Eddie loathed it.This resulted in Eddie typing out and deleting his text over ten times before finally settling.

_Hey, Christopher forgot his backpack at your place yesterday could you bring it to the station with you? Thanks again._

It felt nothing like the usual conversation between them, but it'll have to do. The small text only reminding Eddie of how much things have changed. Of how a large part of him was still so wounded by what Buck did, and the worst part of it all is he’s not even sure why.

Buck should be here soon anyway. He really didn't need to stress about it.

“What’s got you all pouty” Hen bumped her hip against Eddie's pulling a small smile on to his lips.

“Nothing just uh waiting on Buck” Hen raised an eyebrow at him.

“I didn’t know you two were talking again”

“We’re not. Not really at least. He babysat Chris yesterday and I forgot his backpack there” he rubbed his neck, the gaze Hen gave him making him feel uneasy. Like she knew something he didn’t. “Anyway I texted him earlier and he never responded so” He stretch out his last words while looking away.

“Have you and him talked?” Hen asked in that one voice, the one where Eddie knows he’s going to end up getting a lecture.

“About?” He asked hoping playing dumb would get him out of a well needed scold. A part of him knows he should talk it out with Buck and stop playing the childish silent game but he just _can’t_.

“Eddie, you know about what. He’s been walking around the station like a kicked puppy” Eddie knew she was right. The station has being feeling so empty without Bucks vibrant voice booming along with his infectious laughter. “And I noticed lately he’s only been getting worse” Hen pointed out as Chimney popped up almost out of thin air.

“Talking about Buck?” He popped his chewing gum sitting next to Hen.

“I was just telling Eddie that he should just let this whole stupid lawsuit thing go, put it past them.” Hen explained with her hands. But they didn't understand, to Eddie it wasn’t just the lawsuit. It was getting arrested and not being asked to call Buck. It was Christopher having nightmares and asking for Buck and him not being there. It was spending weekends alone wondering what exactly Buck was doing. It was losing his best friend. 

So it wasn’t as simple as Hen made it out to be. He would love to just put everything past him pretending that everything was okay but the idea of getting hurt again stung too much.

“Well I hope you don’t plan on doing it now because his shift started two hours ago and he never showed” Chimney stated matter-of-factly

“What?” Hen and Eddie asked in unison, concern and curiosity painting both their faces.

“Yeah Cap said he never showed, won’t answer his calls either.”

“That’s not like him” Hen stood up, as if she was going to find Buck for herself.

“Well to be fair Hen, do we really even know what’s like him anymore? I mean don’t get me wrong he’s still Buck but so much has changed in his life that we don’t really know much about him anymore. Hell him and Maddie haven’t spoken in weeks either.” Eddies ears perking up Chimney’s words. The truth they held stinging him. 

The truth leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Did he really even know Buck anymore? He had moved in with Taylor and Eddie didn't have the slightest clue. And now he wasn’t talking to Maddie? Someone Buck worked so hard to keep in his life, that really didn’t sound like him at all.

Suddenly Hens words sounded more and more valid. Talking things out with Buck didn’t seem like such a bad thing. Not the greatest thing either, but he knows he has the power in this situation almost everything about rekindling their friendship relies on him.

The alarm going off cutting their conversation short, Eddie wasn’t sure if he was thankfully or not.

The calls didn’t stop from the there, non-stop back to back calls only pulled more strength from Eddie. The idea of sleeping off the constant shifts was more than welcoming. Ever since Buck stopped being at Eddie's side on a call he couldn't help but feel fidgety and on-edge.

Sure he could trust Hen, Chimney and, hell even the other firefighters on shift but with Buck by his side it's different. He felt like he could trust him with his entire life but now he had the constant mistrust and lack of his best friend behind him. Making only that much more stressful.

By the time they finally got back to the station from a car accident call he was beyond weary. His body was aching and migraine was making another guest appearance.

He sat on the couch with a huff, not getting too relaxed. The ghost of another call making its way.

“Eddie can I talk to you please” Bobby pointed towards his office. Eddie simply nodded not trusting his own voice.

His heart pounding against his chest. Bobby found out about the fighting. _Of course he found out, idiot it was only a matter of time_. Sure he had stopped after that one scare, but that didn’t mean his past wouldn't catch up with him. Eddie knew that when he signed up. This was his own fault

“You okay Eddie?” Was the first thing Bobby asked when he took a seat.

His shoulders sagged in relief. “Yeah Cap why do you ask?”

“You’ve been taking in a lot of extra shifts. I just don’t want you to push yourself” Bobby put on what the team liked to call his ‘dad’ voice.

Eddie bit his lip, he couldn’t tell Bobby he was having trouble with money. California is definitely a nice place to live but man was it expensive. Going from a few couple extra hundreds a week from fighting to nothing really took a toll he wasn’t prepared for. So sue him for taking a few extra shifts.

“Moneys just been tight lately” he answered with a strained voice.

“Eddie head home and get some sleep-“

“But Cap-“

“Don’t worry about it Amir will take over” Eddie didn’t argue simply nodding. “Oh and Eddie have you heard from Buck lately?” Bobby’s voice shifted ever so slightly, sounding even more like a worried father.

“No sorry” he paused knowing he’d regret his next sentence, “uh Christopher forgot something at his place yesterday and I was gonna stop by to pick it up” _no you weren’t_ “I could let you know how he’s doing?” Not knowing what took over him he looked over at Bobby almost for approval. To let him know that going to Bucks house was a necessity nothing more.

“Yes” he voice became softer now “please”

“Sore thing Cap and thank you” Bobby nodded as he rushed to leave the station and make nothing more than a small stop at Bucks place.

* * *

Eddie wiped his hands on his jeans before knocking on Bucks door. The current situation so different than how he would normally walk in with his spare key and a box of pizza. Instead he was here to simply pick up something and leave without so much of a hello or a goodbye prepared, that in itself made his stomach twist.

He didn’t have enough brain power to think of actual words to say. He knocked again, this time the door opening with a creak. “Buck?” He questioned looking around. It wasn’t unlike Buck to leave his door unlocked, the man way put too much trust in his surroundings. It would always earn him an earful from Eddie but now he was no where in sight to receive a lecture.

Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat taking in the spotless apartment, something about the setting feeling unnatural. “Buck it’s Eddie” he called out again.

He stood in the hallway feeling like going any further would be intruding. He glanced around again noticing Christopher’s bright blue backpack set next to the couch.

He could easily take the backpack and leave, go home to his beautiful bed and sleep. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it, Hen and Chimney's words suddenly replaying in his head. God he hates how right they could both be. He stepped closer into the living room. Straining his ears to hear the faint sound of a running faucet.

A part of him begging him to take what he came for and leave. Simply text Buck and let him know he stopped by and avoid any and all conversation.

Yet the bigger part of him pushed him towards the sound. As if the bathroom faucet was a siren Eddie blindly followed the sound. The bathroom door already swung wide open, the tall blond figure standing over the sink scrubbing viciously at a rug.

“Buck?” Eddie's voice didn’t sound like his own as he took in the back of Buck's slouched form.

“It won’t come out” Bucks voice croaked, as if he hasn’t spoken in years.

“What won’t come out Buck?” Eddie approached slowly almost instantly noticing that Buck wasn’t okay.

“This stupid stain. I-I stained the rug and Bobby gave it to me and I ruined it -I screwed it up Eddie just like everything else” Buck mumbled scrubbing harshly at the ugly red blotch decorating the patterned rug.

Eddie slowly placed his hand in Bucks shoulder turning him towards himself. A small gasp escaping his lips as he took in the sight of his best friend.

Bloodshot eyes burned into his own brown one's, heavy blue and purple eye bags decorating them. If it wasn’t bad enough that it looked like Buck hadn’t slept in several days he also looked like he’d been in a fight.

Eddie clenched his fists, anger burning throughout his body.

As if ashamed Buck turned away quickly. Eddie's body ignoring every red flag in his brain, his hands cupping Buck's face turning him to face Eddie. Buck flinched so subtlety that Eddie almost didn’t notice.

The strange sense of rage and protectiveness coursed through his veins as he took in his friends ghastly sight. A cut on the bridge of his nose stared Eddie straight in the face along with an ugly purple bruise on his left cheek, both of them mocking him. 

Everything about it making Eddie sick to his stomach. A million questions racing through his brain, what happened? Who did this? When did this happen? But instead he could only stare any question he could think of dying on the tip on his tongue.

“It’s nothing Eds” Buck spoke so softly, still not daring to move out of Eddie's grip.

Buck looked back at him exhaustion painted in every crevice of his face. “You’re gonna be late for work” Eddie furrowed his brows together. Did Buck not know he missed work

“Buck” he pulled his hands away as if just now realizing how close he was to his friend. His skin still tingling where he held Buck's bruised cheek. “It’s five pm, you already missed work” he spoke gently, scared that even the slightest of sounds might break the calm between them.

Buck furrowed his brows together, “W-what?” His voice panicked as he scrambled for the cracked phone on the countertop. “I- I have to call Bobby fuck I -I fucked up” he dropped his phone as his hands trembled.

“Hey, hey don’t worry about Bobby right now” Eddie picked up the phone. His gut twisting with every glance he threw his best friend.

Not trusting his own words Eddie did what he does best, work. Grabbing Bucks hand he sat him down in the toilet seat cover. “What are-“ Buck cut himself off as Eddie dug through the cabinets grabbing the first aid kit.

His hands went over Bucks cold skin, treating this as nothing more than a job. Buck flinching with each movement and Eddie would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt to see. His heart throbbing against his chest strongly, constantly reminding him that this wasn’t just another job, this was Buck.

Questions piled within him. What the hell happened? Or more so who the hell happened? He wants to know everything, ask Buck every detail but he knows better. Buck didn’t want to tell him and even if he did he was in no state for Eddie to ask, he was barely _there_.

Eddie couldn’t ask without feeling like he was taking advantage, finding out something he shouldn’t. So instead he wiped the caked up blood gingerly and ignored Buck's breathe tickling as his neck.

“Did you hit your head?” He finally spoke up fingers going through Bucks hair looking for any bumps.

“No” he mumbled simply. Eddie only nodded as his body continued working completely disconnected from his mind. Not trusting Buck or just being professional he flashed a light in Bucks eyes just to make sure he wasn’t actually concussed.

With no signs of a concussion Eddie continued working. Letting out a breathe he didn’t notice he was holding, he placed a bandage on the bridge of Buck's nose gently.

If Buck wasn’t concussed than he must’ve not slept since Eddie last saw him. Which could almost be as bad. Buck hadn’t even realized that he had missed work that in itself was worrisome.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened right now” he found himself trying to catch Buck’s eyes, his hand placed gently on his shoulder. “You can when you’re comfortable or if you don’t want to you never have to tell me” Buck’s jaw clenched as he simply nodded.

He was almost unrecognizable as his sweatshirt engulfed him and his usual bright smile now replaced with a grime frown. Eddie couldn’t take it. “Whens the last time you slept?” He asked scared of the response.

“I- I don’t remember” Buck looked back almost fearfully.

“That’s okay” Eddie held out his hand noting the flinch from earlier. “Let’s get you to bed ‘kay?” he spoke gently, similar to how he would talk to patients except just with the slightest bit more of his heart.

“No wait I -I have to clean the carpet” he clapped his mouth shut as if it stop himself from exposing anything.

Eddie looked at the rug a few red blotches decorating it, blood. 

“I ruined it” Buck mumbled looking at it again.

“A stain doesn’t ruin the whole thing” Eddie pauses glancing at Buck who only stared away blankly at the wall in front of him. He tried his best to put his sentences together in a comforting way. “I think- I think it makes it a little more special. Not all stain are permanent” he grabbed the hydrogen peroxide underneath the sink and putting it on the stain. “See sometimes you approach the problem with the wrong solution” they both watched as the blood stain fizzled into nothingness

Buck threw him a small smile and the purest smile graced Eddie's lips. “Thank you” he mumbled again.

Eddie only nodded not knowing the right words to fill the air. So he worked on the next problem, getting Buck to sleep. He held out his hand leading them to the living room. “Here” he set up two pillows.

Buck looked at him with furrowed brows and that stupid frown. Eddie just wanted to take all the hurt away. Previous fears chucked out the window and splat on the sidewalk of Los Angeles.

“Sleep” he urged and Buck followed laying on the couch.

Buck turned towards him,“Mm sorry for wasting your time Eds” he fiddled with his fingers. Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat.

The idea of Buck thinking he was a burden breaking his heart. He cleared his throat and shook his head. God what has he done.

“You could never waste my time Buck” he sighed.

The battle brewing inside of him on where exactly him and Buck stand. A part me him wanting to give Buck the world. Another part remembering exactly why he was ignoring Buck but he always seemed to pull Eddie back in. Bringing Eddie's walls down with ease and hurting him, he couldn’t handle it.

Eddie pressed his lips together, not sure what else he should do. “Alright I’m gonna head out” he point a thumb towards the door.

Eddie turned ready to leave, part of him prepared to pretend that today never happen till Buck's hand grabbed his own stopping him. In the smallest voice he heard “Stay?” And he couldn’t bring himself to say no. The same sane part of himself reminding him the more he stayed the easier it would be for Buck to hurt him. But his friend looked so hurt, so broken, and he couldn’t deny him the simple request. He could be angry with Buck tomorrow. Buck squeezed his hand again “Please?”

“Of course” he whispered sitting at the end of the couch, Bucks feet on top of his lap. Both of them sitting in comfortable silence.

"Oh and Eddie" Buck spoke up shattering the quietness.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't tell anyone what you saw" he paused "especially Bobby"

"Buck I can't" but Buck was already asleep. Eddie sighed hearing his soft snores.

Eddie stayed watching Buck's chest rise and fall peacefully a stupid smile playing at his lips. He hates to admit it but man does he miss Buck. The silence in the firehouse, empty weekends, and not having Buck by his side during dangerous rescues just doesn't feel the same.

Still Eddie struggled to watch Buck's sleeping figure without cringing at his bruised face. He wanted to know every detail as to how it happened. Every thought and action that brought Buck to where he currently is sleeping besides Eddie. He couldn’t bring himself to push Buck anymore, he would ask him when things simmered down.

He stayed silently rubbing his hand up and down Bucks leg, naturally. He wasn’t sure why but he couldn’t bring himself to stop, feeling some comfort for the first time in months. A part of him wasn’t missing. Maybe it was time he learned to forgive Buck. He hadn’t realized just how much he was missing him from his life.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there just soaking up the presence of Buck. He glanced at the clock besides him, he had stayed a lot longer than he intended. It’s better he leaves before he awkwardly runs into Taylor. Explaining the situation would only be painstakingly uncomfortable for Eddie. He slowly got up, gently placing Buck's legs on the couch. He grabbed a blanket from the closet draping it over his friend's sleeping figure.

He threw one more glance over his shoulder before leaving. Rushing to his car, the sun long set and the air surprisingly chilly. Eddie fiddled with his keys, the adrenaline from earlier dying down now reminding him just how exhausted he was. He finally found his car keys just as they slipped out of his fingers landing in front of a gray car. “Fuck” he mumbled heading over to pick them off the floor.

He stood up quickly catching a pair of brown eyes staring at him from the drivers seat of a car. “Maddie?” He asked confused. Maybe his brain was playing tricks on, boy does he need to sleep.

Maddie licked her lips nervously “Eddie? What are you doing here.” Her voice wavering with each question.

“I could ask you the same thing” he raised a brow at her.

“I can explain!” she held her hands up defensively “Well not really but just get in the car” she rolled eyes.

Eddie shrugged partially intrigued as to what Maddie was doing here. Chimney had mentioned that her and Buck weren’t talking so there had to be a reason she was here.

“How long have you been here?”

“Two weeks” she stated matter-of-factly. Eddie gave her a weird look. Maddie's eyes brightening just understanding Eddie's question. “Oh you mean today about an hour contemplating whether I should go inside or not” she mumbled looking away.

Different scenarios ran through Eddie's head as to why exactly the two wouldn't be on speaking term, no reasons coming up. The siblings were like two peas in a pod one was never far from the other.

“You two aren’t speaking” He meant for it to be a question but it came off more as a statement.

Maddie smiled at him tightly, not reaching her eyes. “Chimney's got a big mouth” they both chuckled lightly, the tension still present. “But uh Buck called me last night and he left a voicemail so I came but ” she paused pulling out her phone. “I- I haven’t been able to listen to it. You saw him right now didn’t you? How is he?”

Eddies ears perked up. Buck must’ve called Maddie after whatever the hell happened to him yesterday. Listening to the voicemail was more than tempting.

“Um” he couldn’t exactly tell her how Buck looked like shit, partially because he promised and partially because he was worried she’d barrage into Buck's apartment demanding answers. “Not so great” he avoided her large eyes instead gazing into the dark night sky.

“Really?” Her voice cracked a few stray tears finding their way down her cheeks. “I just can’t bring myself to -to face him after what he’s done” she spoke the last words more to herself but that didn’t stop Eddie's curiosity.

“Why aren’t you two talking exactly? I mean if you don’t mind me asking”

“It’s a long story. And it’s not really even my story to tell” she played with her finger anxiously. Eddie only nodded not wanting to push but itching to know.“Should I?”

Maddie looked at him with sad eyes her hand hovering over the play button. Eddie finally turned towards her now biting his lips nervously. Both of them gulping as Maddie gently pressed the play button.

Bucks voice echoed throughout the car,

“Hey Maddie” he sniffled in between his words “I know you’ve been-“ the few words already sounding so broken. Eddie's chest twisted painfully.

“”Yeah And that’s what I told him, hold on Derek” a random voice by the car caught their attention.

“It's Taylor!” Maddie whisper-shouted. Both looking at each other with wide eyes.

Maddie scrambled quickly to turn off the voicemail “texts for a while now-“ both of them pulling their seats down.

Blood rushed through Eddie's ear. Both of them breathing heavily as they listened to Taylor walk right past them.

“Yeah sorry I thought I saw someone I knew“ hearts beating with nerves as they heard the sound of heels click again. “Never mind anyway-“ the click of Taylor’s heels and the apartment lobby door closing behind her allowing them back up.

Both of them simultaneously blowing out a breathe of relief.

“That was-“

“Close” Eddie swallowed nervously. Neither of them knowing why they were scared of getting caught by Taylor. Perhaps it was the fact that they were both in Buck's parking lot stalking him rather than just going into his apartment.

“Let’s just play the rest of this voicemail and pretend this never happ-“ Maddie’s brows furrowed together and her jaw fell slightly.

“What’s wrong?”

She turned the phone towards him with shaking hands. The screen reading ‘empty voicemail box’

“I- I must’ve accidentally deleted it when I tried pausing it” and just like that the voicemail was gone and with it any evidence of what happened the night before.

The two stared at each other in silence, both defeated. “Maybe-maybe we could contact your phone company or -or”

“It’s gone Eddie” Maddie spoke softly. “He sounded so sad” Eddie chewed his lips, seeing Buck's bruised face every time he closed his eyes. “Now what?” She asked him like he had every answer in the world but truly he couldn’t even answer his own questions.

_Makeup with your brother, obviously he needs it._ The words stinging his own chest. _Learn to listen to your own advice Eddie._ A voice in the back of his mind reminded him almost tauntingly.

“Talk to you brother Maddie” he paused remembering Bucks words from earlier “I think he really needs you”

_Eddie should really start listening to his own advice._

* * *

So he did. The next shift he saw Buck he swallowed every ounce of pride and went up to him. The bruises were beginning to fade but still prominent Eddie couldn’t stop looking at them as he rehearsed the stupid words over in his head.

"Buck" he caught the blond's attention.

“Hey Eddie” buck smiled at him and suddenly his brain short circuited forgetting every line he rehearsed.

_Say something. God anything you idiot!_

“Buck” _ok definitely could’ve said something else._

“I actually was looking for you, just wanted to uh thank you for the other day _” B_ uck paused “sorry you had to see that”. Eddie nodded slowly.

“Can we talk?” okay definitely not how he meant to ask the question but it’ll have to do.

Buck looked at him with an unreadable expression, shifting on his feet. “Yeah of course, what’s up?”

“I was hoping in a more” he glanced at Chimney and Hen watching across the room “private setting”. Chimney throwing him a devilish grin while Hen pulled him away.

“Yeah sure thing” Buck smiled again and Eddie didn’t realize just how much he missed that look.

“Tomorrow at Tilt Cafe?” Eddie asked nervously, his palms sweaty. God he felt like a high schooler asking his crush out.

“Perfect it’s a date” Bucks eyes widened “not a date but yeah” Eddie smiled nodding.

That was easier than expected.

* * *

Eddie sat on the wooden chair his leg shaking,rather impatiently. Buck would be here in time he said six and it’s only five minutes past six. He’ll be here.

He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous it wasn’t like it was an actual date. No far from it. They were just going to talk. Talk about everything which was relatively heavy but Eddie has never been more prepared.

“Thank you” he smiled at the waitress setting his and Bucks coffee down. He ordered Buck's favorite, mocha cloud extra extra foam. Eddie thinks Buck secretly just likes the sugar more than the coffee but he doesn’t let him know that.

He glanced at the time again this time texting Buck.

_Hey, I’m here lmk when you’re here_.

He sipped his own coffee going over the possible conversation in his head. The bundle of nerves in his stomach only growing with each minute.

He checked the time again, now half an hour past six, maybe traffic was bad. This is LA after all. He shot Buck another text just Incase he didn’t see the first one.

_Your coffees getting cold_

Eddie watched as the sun slowly set and Bucks foam dissolved into nothingness. The nerves melting away as realization dawned on him that Buck wasn’t going to show.

He sat there for two hours thinking of any excuse to give Buck, any ounce of hope; coming up dry each time. He didn’t even bother to let Eddie know he couldn’t make it.

Buck just never showed.

“Sir, we’re actually closing in fifteen minutes just a little warning” the barista smiled sadly at him as if the fact that Buck bailed was tattooed on his forehead.

He got up throwing away the completely full drink. He really was a fool to try to let Buck back in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie I did rewrite this chapter like five times and I still kinda hate it. But also am kind of proud for getting it up. Thank you to @ilostmyothersock for letting me bother you with this! As always comments are greatly appreciated and you can find me on tumblr with the same user. Hope you enjoyed :) okay byeeee

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to drop a comment, they are greatly appreciated!


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